Isolation Conversation

This picture gives me all the feels. Quarantine and a state-mandated “Stay Home. Stay Safe.” order from the governor has an ironic, forceful way of making you eerily in tune with your emotions. Fighting the Coronavirus is so much more complex than just identifying symptoms and seeking treatment.

Back in December, Jordan told me about this “bug” that was going around in China from them eating bat soup. (If you haven’t heard about it’s origin, look it up.) I remember thinking, “That really stinks for those people, but it’s not really my problem.” Completely ignorant and selfish, I am well aware. But, at the time, it was so far removed from my world, I didn’t give it another thought.

In January, we had great friends visit and the virus came up a few times in conversation, mostly because my girlfriend teaches kiddos in China and was witnessing the disease disaster in real-time. Even though it was starting to hit a little closer to home, and certainly made me sad for them, I wasn’t concerned for our country, not for one second.

In February, I was learning more about it at work. My professional world assists students with enrollment to become online learners. We have schools all over the country, including Washington, where cruise ships were not allowed to dock due to cases on the rise. Our Washington schools had to adjust enrollment guidelines to accommodate the virus and local school ordinances. Even still, it seemed like such a faraway land and problem.

In early March, it began creeping across the U.S. We carried on per usual and even hosted Summer’s 4th birthday party as planned. Within a matter of days, everything changed.

March 11th was supposed to be a typical Wednesday, where my mom watches Summer and Jordan goes into the office for the day. I basically live for Wednesdays because I get the house to myself. That morning, we decided that it was fine for my mom to take Summer, but not go out to lunch or shopping (a usual routine activity for this duo). I could tell my mom was disappointed, but I appreciated that she didn’t fight me on our decision. We had decided to self-quarantine on March 12th and made a family pact to only go out for things like the grocery store.

By the end of that week, cases were increasing everywhere. Within a matter of a week, President Trump advised to social distance and on March 23rd, Governor Whitmer addressed the state and mandated a shelter in place for 2 weeks. We were a little over a week in and welcomed this news, to ensure everyone was on the same page and working towards the same goal. All of that has since been extended and I’m guessing it will again, and maybe even again, and again.

This time has caused such a wild range of emotions for me. I think everyone is riding an emotional roller coaster with highs and lows on different days. Heck, maybe different by the hour. At first, I was a little skeptical all this was necessary, but I also had a layer of understanding that if we don’t react now, it’ll get way worse before it gets any better.

We are used to being social and getting out and about multiple times a week. We normally eat at restaurants or pick up dinner a couple times a week. My girl and I love to shop and our weekly Target runs have halted. Completely unnecessary, but things we enjoy. We can certainly live without them, but we miss them. We can do this online now, but it’s not as fun and doesn’t seem right.

Our day-to-day weekly routine didn’t have to change much. Fortunately, we both already work from home and we’re one of the lucky ones with our jobs remaining business as usual. We have a very nice groove, but now Summer would miss preschool twice a week and social activities like dance and gymnastics. We were sad to miss some upcoming get togethers, but sort of welcomed this brief time to slow down and prioritize us and our home.

“Brief” is relative, as it’s now been 3 weeks and has indeed been extended (until April 30th), with rumors of it lasting well into the summer and maybe even fall. It’s exhausting planning every single meal, going to the grocery store every two weeks, and sanitizing every item before we bring it inside. It’s tiring cooking multiple times a day, cleaning the kitchen and emptying the dishwasher even more. But how lucky are we? Those are our current struggles. What a privilege to have those be the concerns that are at the center of our mind, while the world is literally fighting for life.

Another topic that has been on my mind and heart a lot is the conversation and decisions surrounding schools. It is tricky and complicated. I do not envy those in charge and honestly, I’ve never been more thankful that I’m not directly in that industry anymore. So much information is being tossed around and I don’t have a clue what we’ll land on, but I do have some thoughts.

I think it’s wonderful that (many) teachers are doing what they can to provide resources for their students to learn at home and connect with them in various online formats. I think it’s awesome that we have technology that allows that to be done in an instant. However, I don’t think districts should “count” this as instruction time. You can’t enforce every teacher to do it and you can’t ensure every student has the resources to receive the information and participate.

I also believe that it puts an extreme amount of pressure on parents (and I normally feel parents can do much more to support their students at home, but this is different). There are schedule changes, routines adjusted, financial worries, job shifts, and we think throwing a “typical” school routine in a virtual format at them sets the student up for success? Not a chance. In this rare instance, I believe that social promotion would be the best solution, since students did make it through more than half of the school year. Don’t get me wrong, some type of instruction can help for sure. I know some people have pointed out that it’s not a vacation, but when you become a parent, you do not sign up to be a educator, too. There are things that students can learn from right now while at home and things we, as parents, can do to encourage and foster their love of learning (think helping out with chores, baking/cooking together, playing games, reading, workbook pages, arts and crafts, experiments, etc.) without there needing to be a rigid schedule to follow. Hey, I’m a former teacher and the thought of teaching my 4 year old all day long terrifies me. No, thank you, and it’s not because I’m lazy. I know her classmates are also not receiving this information on the regular anymore and I trust that our legislature will make informed decisions about what is best for our student population. I’m also grateful we are only dealing with preschool here.

Aside from those daily thoughts, my biggest worry is for the people expecting babies. My brother and sister-in-law and several really close friends are due to have their first baby in a week or two. Becoming a first time parent is scary enough; I can’t imagine dealing with this as the cherry on top. I feel like every day the guidelines change, expectations of what would have or should have been during this time is constantly being altered, birth plans are being adjusted or dissolved altogether, and the reality of not having visitors (at the hospital and home) have completely gone out the window, for a while anyway. As a sister and friend, this is devastating. I won’t get to hold these sweet babes for who knows how long. I will have to drop off meals on the porch and escape like a thief in the night. I won’t get to hug them when they are on the brink of exhaustion and assure them that are doing just fine. I won’t get to see the baby open their eyes and take it all in or hear their cries or coos for longer than I ever would have imagined. I won’t be able to hold them gently and pinch their cheeks in the sterile hospital room and beam with pride. I won’t be able to change a dirty diaper so the new mom and dad don’t have to get up. I won’t, I won’t, I won’t…I could go on and on. And I know this isn’t about me, but everyone’s vision of these monumental days have vanished. The worst part, we don’t even know what it will look like when the time comes, or what the guidelines will be then. What I do know, and I rest assured in this belief, is that these babies were made with purpose. They are the silver and beautiful lining in this mess. They will still bring our world great joy and love, even if we have to experience it through a window for a while.

I also worry about everyone’s mental health right now. It’s imperative we keep ourselves and each other in check. There are many online resources available to assist those in need, without having to leave home. I think those will be our biggest obstacles to overcome when the dust settles.

All of this is hard for me and my husband to digest and those around us. Yet, we are tasked with explaining it to our daughter, who is very curious and observant. We’ve decided to take the approach that “everything is dirty and filled with germs, causing people to get sick and things needing to be cleaned right now” and she took it well. At the risk of making her a complete germaphobe, we’ve explained that this will take time and until it’s safe to be together, we will be staying home and having fun together. Thank goodness for FaceTime and old fashioned mail, as it helps to keep us connected. She’s only had one day so far where she got emotional when I read her a text from her gamma. She likes being with her favorite people, too, and it makes me sad when I think that this could be her first real memory.

Our society will never fully recover from this, mostly because we won’t forget. I think that’s okay. In my opinion, I think we needed a shock to our system to help, or rather force, us to prioritize what means the most to us and how we spend our time. Sure, there are times I feel like screaming, and the isolation is lonely, but it’s allowed me to reflect on the reputation I’m building, we are building, as a family and a community.

I realize I may not share the same views as some of you reading this right now. I’m entitled to my feelings and when I started this blog, I promised myself I would be transparent and stay true to myself. With that being said, it does not discount how utterly grateful I am for our essential workers, including doctors, nurses, medical staff, school support staff (like my mom) who are making meals for families while school is not in session, delivery services, and grocery store employees. Without your ability to fearlessly step into your job, at a time when everyone wants to run away and hide, our people would undoubtedly crumble. You are truly on the frontlines of fighting this disease and I admire your passion and willingness to do so, day after day. I have no doubt that this is a viewpoint we can all share.

It has been beautiful to watch people share resources, activities, games, opinions, needs, stories, etc. through social media outlets. This has been done in a way that never would have happened without a catastrophy. We will get through this, together. It’s the only way.