June 2nd, 2012 was the day we vowed, “I Do,” with a very limited understanding of what that would actually mean as the years ticked by. Looking back on our special day makes me realize how innocent couples are on their wedding day. The excitement and thrill of a magical day, often overshadows the future unknown of being together forever.
We met in 2nd grade, but lost touch when in 4th grade because I moved away. We reconnected in college, thanks to his coincidental run-in with a mutual friend while he was late for class and later mentioning it on Facebook. Add a healthy dose of stalking on my behalf and our adulthood love story began to unfold. We dated for 5 years before tying the knot and even with fate on our side, it doesn’t take long to see that being someone’s other half takes work and has even more meaning once the ink dries on the official paperwork. We both believed in those words that day, but I think we were very naive about what life could, and would, throw our way after the honeymoon.
This is the day we got engaged. September 24th, 2011 at the MSU vs. Central football game.
I believe in destiny, fate, and having soulmates. Admittedly, I’m a hopeless romantic, sometimes to a fault. Jordan doesn’t get too hung up on those specific phrases, but he’ll often entertain my thoughts on the subject matter. He knows we are meant to be, but doesn’t necessarily subscribe to the belief that “everything happens for a reason” or “we are right where we’re supposed to be” because he feels we should give ourselves more credit for the work we put in and where we are in life. I always trust that things work out exactly how they are supposed to and with that, comes my belief that I am only destined for him.
This same mentality applies to my wedding ring. I never want to “upgrade” because it’s so symbolic to me of our beginning, present, and future. I realize that it sounds corny, but it’s true. It certainly doesn’t hurt that he did a ton of ring/diamond research, completely picked it out himself, and surprised me with the proposal. I absolutely love those details about our engagement.
If, for some reason, I lost him (one way or another), I would never remarry. He’s it for me. This family it IT for me. I couldn’t invest in another one like the one I have now because THIS one is supposed to be mine. I might be too insistent on this believe, and Lord knows I hope I’m never proven wrong, but I firmly stand behind our relationship.
My marriage, and now family, is the most sacred thing I own. We take pride in it and we work hard for it. We enjoy each other’s company and are the best of friends. We value our love. Isn’t that what it all boils down to, anyway?
The best marriage advice to ourselves: over-communicate. Talk about how you feel, what you want, what’s bothering you, what makes you happy, etc. The more you talk, the more you understand each other and the less likely there is room for error.
I think marriage can have a funny way of feeling mundane day-in and day-out, if you aren’t mindful, intentional, and aware. We choose to not let it. One thing we promised to do as our first anniversary approached was to celebrate our anniversary every. single. year. No matter what, we swore we’d take time each year to acknowledge our special day, big or small. We also agreed to give each other gifts, but it had to follow the anniversary theme for that year (traditional or modern is fine). We started off by alternating years, but now we more so go by who has an idea to surprise the other one. Some years, we both get each other something, but for the most part, we try to make it a couples gift for both of us, but only from one of us. I made a photo album where I capture each year’s celebration and we look back on it every June 2nd. I’ll take you on a mini trip down memory lane.
1st Anniversary: We went camping in Petoskey. We went into town to shop and do a brewery tour, but mostly the weekend was spent at the campsite relaxing. Jordan got us matching wood watches which started the whole gift tradition because it was so thoughtful. (Traditional: Paper; Modern: Clock)
2nd Anniversary: Instead of a trip, we wanted an adventure. We took a bike ride from Holland to downtown Grand Haven. I got Jordan a robe wrapped in a bag with cotton balls and an Under Armor travel bag. I took the theme pretty literally and this was probably the worst of all our gifts. Haha! (Traditional: Cotton; Modern: China)
3rd Anniversary: We were living on the west side of the state, but had just found out a job opportunity for Jordan was bringing us “home.” We had to tour apartments, so we double dipped and took in a Tigers game. This year, I got us a leather-bound journal to document our major life milestones and places of residency. It’s fun to update and flip through every now and then. If you really do the math, our real present this year was conceiving Summer. (Traditional: Leather; Modern: Crystal/Glass)
4th Anniversary: This year, we went out to dinner and dessert at home from his Granny. Summer was only a couple months old, we had just bought a house and preparing to move, and Summer’s first surgery was looming, so escaping for a few hours over a yummy dinner was exactly what we needed. Our gift to each other was new appliances for our house – which coincidentally worked out well. (Traditional: Fruits/Flowers; Modern: Appliances)
5th Anniversary: We went to Atlanta, Georgia this year. We toured the Coca-Cola plant, saw Luke Bryan in concert, and took in an Atlanta Braves game. Looking back, this was our toughest year of marriage, so it was extra special to get 6.2.12 tattoos on our ring fingers. I suppose that was our gift to each other, even though it didn’t fit either of the anniversary gift molds. (Traditional: Wood; Modern: Silverware)
6th Anniversary: We spent a weekend Louisville, Kentucky for our 6th year. My parents watched Summer and we did the whole Churchill Downs thing, whiskey tours, and hung out in their downtown entertainment district called 4th Street Live. We still talk fondly of this trip and can’t wait to go back. On our way home, we stopped back at Woodford Reserve and bought a used bourbon barrel, which satisfied both the traditional and modern themed gifts. (Fun Fact: a key ingredient in making bourbon is the limestone in the water to filter out the iron and the only place that happens in the U.S. is Kentucky.) (Traditional: Candy/Iron; Modern: Wood)
This was such a fun night getting dressed up fancy and treated like royalty at Churchill Downs.
7th Anniversary: We had just sold our house and were on the move again. I had a work trip planned at the end of May that we turned into a little family anniversary trip. We went to Virginia and Maryland. We enjoyed mountain views, took in an Orioles baseball game and stadium tour, and enjoyed a sunset harbor boat ride and sight seeing. We drove home on our actual anniversary and had lunch at Burger King in the middle of nowhere while Summer played in their indoor jungly gym, which was definitely memorable. I got us a picture frame with our first song’s lyrics (“I knew I Loved You Before I Met You” by Savage Garden) engraved in copper. (Traditional: Wool/Copper; Modern: Desk Sets)
8th Anniversary: This year, we are going to the park where we got married to play outside. We’re going to enjoy a picnic dinner in the Twin Chimneys where our ceremony was held. I got us a chips and dip set (chip, chip, hooray!) and a pitcher that are made of pottery, because I can’t “picture” my life without him. Get it? 😉 I also caved and got him the Blanton’s bronze horse corks collection because he’s been eying it and, well…I’m a sucker for a theme. (Traditional: Bronze/Pottery; Modern: Linens/Lace)
Each year, it’s so fun to plan our anniversary adventure and themed gifts. It’s a reminder that our bond and marriage is a priority. We value having fun. We value each other. I’m well aware that I’m not a perfect wife, nor is he a perfect husband, but we are perfect for each other.
Happy Anniversary, to the only love of my life. Cheers to 8 years!
Thanks to my former student and family friend, Alec, for this picture. This is me right now.
We have done our best to stay busy and sane during this quarantine state of our world right now. Our jobs are continuing on as normal, with the exception of a few minor adjustments for Jordan. My role happens to be a booming business under these circumstances since I work for a virtual school. But, we both already work from home full time, so this wasn’t anything new. Summer stopped going to preschool, but aside from missing her teachers and friends, we just had to switch her to watching learning videos made by her teacher and completing workbook pages for 4-5 year olds throughout the week. Even she hasn’t been impacted too much.
We’re trying to keep each other entertained by cooking and baking new recipes, playing games, making crafts, and getting outside as often as possible. We’re also very mindful of keeping ourselves happy and healthy. We aren’t afraid to ask for some alone time or give each other some space, even though that can get tricky, especially with our 4-year-old shadow. For the most part, we are doing a pretty good job of managing this stay-at-home order within our four walls and it’s hard to believe it’s been over two months since we did anything “normal” or enjoyed something the way we used to.
But, this week was different. It hit us. Hard.
I haven’t cried this much in a long time. I actually woke up Friday morning and my cheeks were rosy and my eyes were sore, almost as though I was crying in my sleep throughout the night. To be honest, I might have been. I am not a crier, but could’ve fooled me this week. Most of the times, it did make me feel better, though.
The week started off weird. I was basically in a natural funk as it was, but then I found out that my brother and his wife were going to start letting immediate family visit and hold my new nephew. Super exciting, right? Not for me…but it’s not what you think.
You see, I’ve been waiting for this moment since August when we found out the little dude was on his way to join our family. I envisioned getting the call when they were headed to the hospital (which we did get and it was as exciting as I imagined it would be) and dropping everything to head up there to visit (this part didn’t get to happen). Instead, when we found out the day they were bringing their precious bundle home, we gathered up their favorite things, a few goodies for the baby, and decorated their porch. We weren’t allowed to be around each other and this was the only way I knew how to show our excitement and welcome them home. What I really wanted to do was squeeze them and snuggle that baby.
For a few weeks of them being home, it was understood that everyone was staying away. My parents went over there for a few visits through the window and to drop off groceries and gifts. We debated almost every day if we should do this too because I was dying to see him. Each day, we decided not to because you weren’t supposed to be out if you didn’t have to be. The baby was just shy of two weeks old when we decided we were going to be rebels and head out to their house and see him from a distance. This took me out of my comfort zone, but it was so exciting and he’s just the cutest little bundle. We drove home and I kept smiling and thinking about how that trip was worth it.
If you don’t already know this about me, I’m a rule follower. I believe our choices have consequences and it’s usually a straightforward outline of if you do this, then this happens. If you choose this, this will happen. Right now, no one has the answers. Nobody knows what the “right” thing to do is. And no one has gone through it before, so it’s impossible to draw from experience. I hate that. For people like me, it’s easy to follow the rules because I know what will happen if rules aren’t followed. Not now…I could follow every single guideline given and my family could still get sick. Other people can ignore every mandate and not get sick. That seems unfair to me. But it’s the world we are living in right now and I have to make decisions that I feel is best.
Fast-forward almost a month and here we are with an at-home order that seemingly continues to get extended. We’ve done the meal drop-offs, the quick chats to catch up from at least 6 feet away, and extended hours on FaceTime or Zoom calls. But, it’s not the same. People are getting tired of it and overtly demonstrating that by getting together. This bothers me for a few reasons. First and foremost, it goes against the rules. I know, I’m such a stiff. But, really…can we not just respect our leaders and just follow the mandate so we can all move on quicker? We aren’t exempt from this and being flagrant with your actions just feels so disrespectful to me. Secondly, it complicates our decision to continue to abide by the rules. You see, if everyone else is getting together NOW, it stresses me out when things do get lifted because we haven’t been. Everyone’s decision impacts someone else. And that’s frustrating when you feel like you’re one of the few following it.
We’re doing all the things. We wear masks when in public. We wash our hands like crazy and have sanitizer in every room. We only go to the grocery store once every week or two. We wipe down all groceries and packages before bringing them in the house. We haven’t had takeout or delivery. (My dad brought Summer a Happy Meal earlier in the week to suck up – more on that later – and I’m embarrassed about how long we contemplated allowing that.) We honestly feel spastic, but it gives us a feeling of security knowing we are doing what we can to protect us the best way possible. Is it over the top? Maybe. No one really knows.
Many people have asked me, “Well, what magically happens on May 28th?” I feel dumb every time I answer because I say, “I don’t know.” What I do know is that a lot has happened each week since March and I would assume it will remain that way. We might have no cases by then, we might have a vaccine, we might know more. Unlikely, I know, but it could happen. I also am not viewing the virus from a political or economic standpoint. Maybe that’s naive, but we are turning to medical professionals and scientists when making our decisions and discussing next steps for our family. So, even though I’m not sure what happens on May 28th, assuming our quarantine gets lifted that day, I am relying on them to tell me what to do next. Maybe that isn’t the bravest thing to do, or the most admirable, but we feel it’s the smartest.
Ultimately, this week, my brother and his wife went forward with allowing immediately family over. I could hear the disappointment in my brother’s voice when I politely declined the invitation. I stumbled over my rationale and the why behind our decision, mostly because I was fighting back tears. My heart was breaking.
I was sad that because we were following the rules, we had to miss out on something so special. I felt bad that we were going to be the last people to hold him and worried that it might one day translate to not wanting to, or not caring enough. I felt exhausted for having such a wishy-washing mindset. I felt confused. I’d wake up in the morning confident in one decision, but by day’s end, I felt lost, and sometimes even worse than the day before.
My brother reassured me that they didn’t have any hard feelings about this and respected our decision. Although I believe him, I explained that his decision complicated mine. With them opening up their house to people that could potentially be infected, before it was allowed, are we comfortable with letting those same people around our kiddo in two weeks? Essentially, we felt like we were being punished for following the rules. And I can’t emphasize that feeling enough. We kept coming back to that. And that is frustrating.
To add to this, we always camp with the family (immediate and extended) for Memorial Day weekend. These plans have been up in the air this year. The campground we go to is private, so they are open for business, even though we’re still in lockdown. This was a fairly easy “no” for us, as we don’t have a camper and would be mingling very closely with others for an extended period of time. We’re conscious of how those around us are (and are not) following the orders and that certainly crosses our mind when a decision like this arises. My parents graciously bowed out of the camping tradition that weekend and offered us to camp at their house. It could be a more controlled environment and we would do our best to make the most of it. This sounded fun and seemed like a good compromise, but each “yes” or “no” answer to a question we considered, made our ultimate decision unsure. AGAIN.
I’ve had countless conversations with my mom this week. She cried multiple times and I know the momma and gamma in her is just bursting. She’s torn between emotions and rationale like everyone else. I explained that her seeing her grandson this week might impact whether or not she can see Summer if/when things get lifted. I’m sure she could have strangled me and I let her know that I wasn’t trying to give an ultimatum. I encouraged her to see him and hold him if she felt that was right because Summer could wait. We’d shelter her from what she was potentially missing out on for an extra week or two and that price was worth it for my parents to share in my brother’s joy. We both sobbed together because all of this just seems so unfair.
I should have known my dad would be calling me next. He’s the logical, look-at-the-facts one in the family and he called to “check-in” but I knew what he was doing. He provided me with all the statistics of the virus and how it’s just like the flu and the economy needs to get back to normal and blah, blah. He wants to see his kids and grand babies as much as my mom, but his approach is so methodical. I somehow got through that conversation, but cried as soon as I hit the “end call” button. I absolutely can’t stand letting people down. I am a people-pleaser. I hated that I was telling my PARENTS that I was unsure about being at their house (my old HOME for crying out loud), that I was nervous about using their toilet, and that I might not let them hug my daughter. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have even fathomed those thoughts and here I was abiding by them.
There’s also a layer to this that just knows we are getting made fun of and mocked. Although we are certainly strong enough to wade through others’ opinions of us and do what’s right for our family, it’s weird assuming people are making a mockery of you. It’s also weird because no one actually knows what to do. But, everyone is sure opinionated about their choices and feel they have an obligation to judge yours. I think some of this is human nature, but there’s another layer of this that seems targeted and unfair. And while we respect what others are choosing to do during this time, we’d appreciate some respect too. But, I know right now, the only people I need to make a priority is my husband and my daughter.
The very next day, we made appointments to get antibody testing. Jordan was diagnosed with bronchitis in January and we had traveled to Florida. It was a long shot, but we figured this could potentially give us peace of mind and at a minimum, we were eager to speak with our doctors about this subject. My doctor seemed just as unsure as I did. On one hand, she said we need to follow the order, wear PPE, and stay home. But, in the next breath, she admitted that her children are hanging out with friends, taking general precautions, and insisted that we need to accumulate herd immunity or else we’ll be doing this forever. I asked her how she felt about being with family and my daughter hugging my parents. She grinned, at least I think she did based on the twinkle in her eye (I couldn’t see her mouth due to her mask), and said, “You can’t tell her not to hug them.” I felt a bit of assurance in what she was saying and was able to read between the lines. My doctor also told me to follow my motherly instincts. I cried on my way home because I don’t have those anymore; not concerning the virus anyway.
I got my results yesterday and I do NOT have the anitbodies. I figured as much, but this appointment was worth it. Jordan went the next day to his doctor, and came home like he had won the lottery. His doctor was confident in washing your hands, wearing masks around elderly and very young, but opening it up to family and slowly starting to get back to normal. He also said that he hasn’t been wiping down his groceries. Confirmation that we’ve been psycho. Jordan hasn’t received his test results yet. Wouldn’t it be weird if he had it, but I haven’t?
We were so relieved. I could have cried again, but didn’t really have any tears left. I felt a little bad again because here we were okay with easing up a bit after being such tight asses. But, it was the direction and advice we didn’t even know we needed to move forward. We called everyone to let them know and even though this news was exciting, someone at my mom’s work is currently waiting on COVID-19 test results since she was symptomatic this week. We had to put the dinner plans at my brother’s house arranged for last night on hold until my mom knows the results. It sucked being so close to being together, but we all know it’s for the best.
We are going to do a mini campout next weekend at my parents. We’ll each stay in our own quarters and keep a bit of distance throughout the day, but I’m hopeful it will feel how it used to for the most part. I can’t wait to hold my nephew. I can’t wait to give my brother and his wife a break. I can’t freakin’ wait to hug my family. And I can’t wait to see Summer with them. I’m building up my tears again because I know it will be an emotional one.
I sometimes get an overwhelming sense of guilt, as well. I feel guilty that this is my greatest concern. I know people are without jobs trying to make ends meet while being stressed about thinking how to survive a pandemic, teach their children from home, and manage household issues and demands. Granted, I’m doing those things too, but not in a pressure cooker with minimal resources. I’m lucky. I’m grateful that I am loved and love so many others that these decisions become even more complicated.
The CEO of my company said something a month or so ago and it struck me as being so wise: crisis reveals character. We are all so much more than we ever thought we were. We are resilient. We are strong. We are together, even when it feels like the distance between us is never-ending. We will get through this. We all want the same thing. Our approach just might be different.
Happy Mother’s Day! I’ve always loved this day, even before I became a mom. I think it’s important to celebrate the moms in our life and recognize the sacrifice and love they bring us day in and day out. Every year in my circle of people, Mother’s Day is our first celebration and family get-together that kicks off the summer fun that is to come. (That is unfortunately not the case this year, but we’re not focusing on that today.).
I’m most proud of the three moms in the picture below…four generations. My heart could explode just looking at this picture!
I have so many positive female role models in my life and most of them are mothers. From my actual mom, to my grandma and aunts, to friends, and colleagues. I really feel that we are all a member of the infamous mom tribe. We find comfort in sharing stories, laughing about the chaos, and revealing secrets of how we survive the day. We feel joy when we see our kids playing together and bond over memories made with each other. I have learned so much from these women and I am certain they influence pieces of how I parent Summer.
To say I admire my mom as a mom is an understatement. She is the epitome of motherhood. She keeps the tidiest house I know. She makes amazing homemade meals (she has so many classics that she’s known for, but can also whip up a new recipe like it’s nothing). She sews. She can garden. She plants the most gorgeous flowers (and keeps them alive – that part is mind blowing to me, as I have killed a cactus). She’s the best caregiver when you’re sick and knows just what to say when you’re upset. She brings you treats or sends you something when you didn’t even know you needed a pick-me-up. She also has this incredible ability to “predict” certain things in your friendships and relationships and even though in the moment it might annoy you, you already know she’s gonna be right. My mom is the best role model ever.
Not gonna lie, this made having my own child a little nerve-wrecking. It’s important to note that nobody puts this motherhood pressure on me except myself and maybe sometimes society. But, with that being said, I just want Summer to look up to me like I look up to my mom. I believe I am a loving mother to her, but I definitely don’t think I’m a carbon copy of my mom. However, seeing her motherly ways showcased in her gamma status has been pure joy. I’m very thankful that Summer gets to experience all of that greatness while she grows up like I did. (See below: aren’t they the cutest? They’ve had coincidental matching outfits on more than one occasion.)
My mom has always lifted me up as a mother and reassured me that I’m doing a great job. I appreciate that, of course, but the words never mean as much when compared to actions. It seems conceited to admit, but I feel so fulfilled when my mom shows she values me as a mom or when I overhear her talking about me to others and how I am as a mom. One example of this that I remember vividly (and it’s very random) was when we were camping. We were serving up a bunch of snacks and about to play games. My now sister-in-law asked my mom what type of cracker was on the platter after she tried one and thought it was delicious. My mom told her it was a tomato basil wheat thin. She followed it up with, “Aren’t they so good? Starr got them once and I love them.” So silly, right? But it meant the world to me. Not only did I introduce my mom to something she loved and bought, but she gave me the credit for the yummy snack. I’m always asking my mom for recipes and tips/tricks in the kitchen, so this truly felt like an accomplishment and validation.
I can really get overwhelmed with emotion when I think of the impact we have on each other as parents. This can be positive or negative and I surely hope I’m one of those positive forces in the mom community. It’s not always easy, and it’s crazy to think how much your life changes in a split second, but it’s always, always worth it.
Summer is the reason I sometimes get heartburn if I eat ketchup or enjoy wine too late at night. She’s the reason my tailbone hurts for days after sitting on the floor or lying on my back for too long. Summer’s the reason my sciatic nerve spasms randomly. She’s the reason I have baby hairs outlining my forehead. But, she’s also the reason my smile is genuine and my heart overflows. She’s the reason I work hard every day to provide a good example and give her a wonderful life. Summer is the reason I am brave and have the courage to advocate for her needs. She is the reason I get to celebrate today.
The days are long, but the years are short. There’s no greater reward than parenthood. I’ve been a mom for 4 years now and it’s been the greatest gift of all time. Much love to all the moms in my life and a special “heart ya” to my SummerGirl.
This one is ruff. I’m not going to paint myself, my husband, or our families in a beautiful picture with this post. Some of you know the struggle we experienced several years ago with our dog, Kobie, but on the third anniversary of Jordan painfully putting her down, I feel the need to clear the air by providing some background information and context to our ultimate decision. I guess I want to set the record straight. In the process of doing those things, I am going to be truthful and respectful while taking you to the most vulnerable place my marriage has ever been. My individual mental headspace was also fragile; the closest thing to scary and dark that I’ve ever experienced. My frustration, disappointment, and hurt feelings caused from people that I thought I could trust was truly tested. I’m proud we pushed through and did what was best for us, but I think it’s important to frequently revisit and reflect on how much we were challenged and how that can shape our future.
When I met Jordan in 2007, I was pretty certain we were going to end up together. I adored everything about him, except the fact that he adored his four-legged furry friend: his dog, Kobie. She was so young then, but already showing signs of aggression around people she didn’t know or like. But, for some reason, she loved me. I guess we both tolerated each other because we quickly learned that neither of us were going anywhere.
Before Jordan and I got engaged, I made it clear that if/when we had a family, and assuming his dog was still alive, we’d need to make sure she wasn’t going to be around our child(ren). He reluctantly agreed. I knew he hoped that wouldn’t ever need to come into play, but I sacredly held on to those words that would later come back to haunt him.
We found out in July 2015 that I was pregnant. We felt everything that all new parents feel: excited, nervous, thrilled, scared, and proud. And cautious. I honestly don’t know if Jordan felt that emotion, but I know I did. I hate that one of my first feelings after seeing that positive pregnancy test was, “Oh gosh..I know what this means for our dog, but how is Jordan going to handle this?”
Unfortunately, a couple of weeks after finding out about our baby on board, we learned Jordan’s grandpa was sick. Grandpa Jeffrey was Jordan’s father-figure growing up and this was devastating news. We poured our hearts and energy into being with his family during this time and kind of sheltering our excitement for Baby Rupkey while we navigated this tough and trying time.
Kobie’s birthday was July 31st and the week before we were perusing the aisles of Costco. I’ll never forget when Jordan wanted to buy her a new pet bed and toys for her birthday. She already had 2 beds and why on earth would we invest in something that won’t be around in a few short months anyway. Listen, I know that is a morbid way of thinking, and I’m not trying to sound insensitive, but my husband of all people, didn’t like to “waste” money. I timidly mentioned that maybe we should hold off and gave him a look of “you-know-exactly-what-I-mean” and into the cart the items went.
In August, his grandpa passed away and I did my best to avoid any topic related to Kobie because I knew he was already dealing with enough. A month or two passed, and as my bump grew, my friends and family started speaking up and asking about our “plan” for the pup. It was a little embarrassing telling them that there wasn’t one…yet. It wasn’t long after that, that I knew it was time to bring this dreaded topic up to Jordan, since he clearly wasn’t going to.
It didn’t go well. He wanted to try all the things to help Kobie adjust for when we brought our baby home. Ya know, like get a blanket that smells like a baby, introduce the dog to baby things around the house, etc. I honestly don’t know what else people do, but this was so far off of my radar that I couldn’t even comprehend him wanting to “test” it out.
I told him to get a life. I know he thought I was joking, but I most certainly wasn’t. Very similar interactions continued to occur over the next few months. I kept telling myself to get through each upcoming milestone or holiday without bringing it up for fear of ruining the moment. February 2016 came and I realized we were within a month of meeting our baby, and really, it could even be sooner. I started to press him pretty hard.
Jordan had to be in denial, for it’s the only way I can rationalize him being so adamant about not upholding his end of the bargain. I kept saying that I’ve been acting like a mom from the day I found out I was pregnant and it was time for him to start acting like a dad and putting his child first. I’m not sure if that was fair on my behalf, but I was running out of time and getting desperate.
My family started pressing me hard, for fear that I would cave and put our child at risk. They kept telling me to “lay down the law” and “take control” and even though I didn’t disagree, I didn’t know what else I could do. Jordan started opening up to his family about his confusion and they didn’t want anything to happen to his dog. I know they felt like I was giving him an ultimatum and I guess essentially I was, but one that he agreed to all those years ago. We were truly at a stale mate.
As my due date approached and the tension was getting higher everywhere we looked, I finally told Jordan that if he didn’t have a plan for Kobie (putting her down or otherwise) before I delivered, I would not be bringing our baby home with him. Ugh…those words were hard to say, but I needed him to get it. I wasn’t messing around. We both had the same 9 months to prepare.
Friday, March 4th Jordan got a call from his mom and grandma saying that they just couldn’t stand for Kobie to be put down and they wanted to take her while we adjusted to life at home with our newborn. He jumped at this chance and they all relished in happiness for “saving” Kobie. Kobie was still “our” dog and Jordan agreed to continue to buy everything she needed; she would just stay at their house. Cue my eye roll. I was relieved that we had somewhat of a plan going into delivery and coming home, but I knew this wasn’t a permanent solution.
On Saturday, March 5th, while I pampered myself getting my hair, nails, and toes done, Jordan sheepishly brought Kobie and her things to his granny’s house and dropped her off. Whether he knew it or not then, Kobie would never return home. I’m sure he got an ear full that day, but we never talked about it. That night, my labor began. Ironic, right?
I refused to let this overshadow the joy we felt those first few weeks of welcoming our daughter into the world. I’ve never seen Jordan more happy than becoming a dad. He was beaming and all seemed right in the world.
Over the next few months, things would happen that made me uncomfortable at his granny’s house with the dog. Kobie was supposed to have a cage in the basement and be locked in it anytime anyone came over (us, neighbors, other family members, etc.) because Kobie was unpredictable, older, and we were still liable for her. These were guidelines all parties were aware of, but not followed. On several different occasions, Kobie was on a leash, without anyone holding her, and she was free to roam. One time, she came up to me and Summer to sniff around. Motherhood definitely gave me a voice when I previously wouldn’t have said anything. I spoke up and said, “Can you get the dog out of here?!” I’m not sure who grabbed her and put her away and I don’t care. I was so irritated I had to say anything to begin with.
Throughout the summertime, Jordan spent several hours each week at his granny’s house with Summer. This was special bonding time for them and I loved that his granny and mom got individual time with their granddaughter. I was skeptical of the shenanigans with my kid and the dog over there, but I was assured that Kobie was in the cage. I assumed this meant in the basement, like agreed upon, but I should have known better. I went there on a Sunday afternoon and saw the cage upstairs in the other room with Kobie in it and nearly freaked out. I knew right then and there that our agreement was not regularly enforced.
Not only did this cause some friction between me and Jordan, it also did between me and his family. They told me my “rules” were ridiculous and they didn’t need to follow them and I have never felt more betrayed in my life. In my mind, why would you prioritize a dog over a child? We all knew the risks Kobie posed, especially around babies. I wasn’t making this up and definitely had countless examples to back up my position.
At this point though, I really didn’t care. I put a halt on all of it. I told Jordan that Summer was not going over there (without me) until the cage was in the basement and Kobie was in it while people visited. We both knew his mom would never agree, so that was that.
After about a month of that, his mom and granny came to our house. Let me be real clear: I was not trying to prevent them from seeing Summer. I was simply trying to take back control of the dog situation that should’ve been resolved 6 months ago. Jordan and I talked in great detail before they arrived that day, reviewing how the conversation might go and what we would say depending on their stance. We were ready, but also optimistic that we wouldn’t need to back up our position.
Naive. We started off cordial, but it quickly escalated. They misunderstood the agreement and thought we should take Kobie back. I reiterated that that was never the plan and if they thought that, Jordan was at fault for not being clear. They wanted Kobie to return home and Jordan said that wasn’t an option. It ended by his mom getting up abruptly, slamming her coffee cup on the counter, and walking out the door without saying goodbye to any of us. Granny followed her after some parting words and I was literally left speechless. I was hurt because I felt like they were prioritizing Jordan’s dog over Jordan’s child. And that just does not compute with me.
We made an attempt to sort things out the next couple of weeks by going over there and “talking.” This too ended ugly. The thing I remember most is his mom’s finger pointing in my face, calling me names, and yelling at me. I’m really strong, sometimes to a fault, but I was at my breaking point. I walked out the door and locked myself in Jordan’s truck, sobbing.
I had my husband’s full support now to not take Kobie back in and that felt amazing. We were in this together and I could tell he was genuine. We tried explaining ourselves to other people and helping the family understand where I was coming from. Any and all support at this point was valued, as we were starting to feel isolated. It didn’t take long to realize that they supported us to our face, but quickly took the other side when we weren’t around. They all ultimately told us they didn’t want to get involved and that we had to continue this battle solo. That’s fine; noted.
I hated the position he was in between his family and his wife. I hated the position this put me in with my parents and friends. I couldn’t continue to defend this behavior and these choices and I was getting exhausted of the back and forth. Did anyone really think he would not choose his wife? Although I must admit, even I was beginning to have my doubts.
At the beginning of 2017, we were in full-blown project mode at our house. We were getting ready for Summer’s 1st birthday party and I was painting a lot. I vividly remember painting Summer’s closet when our next dog fight happened. This is when Jordan said he never remembered agreeing to putting her down whenever we had kids and I could have physically exploded. I know I screamed. I cried. And I basically gave up. I looked him in the eye and said, “If this is how you want our marriage to end and you are comfortable with telling our daughter that you chose a dog over her, then we can end this right now. I’m not okay with that, but you have a choice to make because I can’t do this anymore.” Saying those words out loud was not fun, but I think he needed to hear how I was feeling. I knew Jordan was better than this and I knew the next move was critical.
Nothing else was said until Jordan confirmed the vet appointment with me for late-April. I didn’t want to over congratulate, but I did give him a hug and say thank you. We didn’t talk too much about any of this leading up to April 28th, except discussing the cost and time of the appointment. It was reasonably priced (even though that makes me sad to say) to put her down, but there were tons of options in terms of keeping her ashes and commemorating her. He wanted to do it all and that annoyed me more, but I tried giving him the space to decide. He asked me if he could save her ashes and I told him he could do “whatever he thought was best.”
That day was tough. I made homemade dog biscuits for Kobie to enjoy before her appointment and said something sweet to Jordan before he left. I was truly trying to put forth an effort because I knew this was tough for him and I knew I had to contain my relief. He was super sad that day and even though he prolonged it, he was stepping up and choosing us. Because I’m not completely heartless, I let him have the emotional day he needed. And if you’re wondering, he made the wrong choice and spent the $450 on her ashes with a special box. Just what we needed, a visual reminder of the thing that almost destroyed our family.
Like I do with most major life events, I documented this day on Facebook. I did care for Kobie and I always treated her right even though I’m not a pet person. I believe I captured the predicament we were in while celebrating her life and the joy she brought Jordan. Some people in Jordan’s family thought I was being fake and it even got back to me that they all stood around the kitchen table reading my post, laughing at it, and calling me a bitch. I’m not sure why that person thought it was beneficial to share those details with me, all while basically admitting that she watched them behave that way and didn’t stick up for me. Maybe it cleared her guilty conscience.
Jordan doesn’t like talking about this and I can understand why. I appreciate that he ultimately did the right thing for his family, even though I’m disappointed it took him so long. Now that Summer is here, I have no doubt that he feels validated that he did the right thing and wishes it didn’t take him so long to act on that love.
I do still think of Kobie now and then and appreciate what Jordan did for me and Summer. My relationship with his mom is still somewhat strained and I’m not sure we’ll ever see eye-to-eye on this. I guess we don’t need to, but I do need some closure with her before I can just move on.
I’m sure some wish their biggest issues in their marriage were over a pet. And I get that on the surface, this is silly. But, this was big for us. I’m relieved that we came out on top and are even able to laugh about it sometimes. I always read my posts to Jordan before publishing them and I could tell this one shook him. He feels awful for how everything played out and described this as worse than reliving a nightmare. He’s embarrassed that he didn’t realize in the moment how badly I was hurting and even mentioned that hearing the words spew from my mouth tonight was almost more than he could handle. He’s not being a martyr and I feel bad that this made him feel bad. But, I’m not harboring any of this negativity anymore. I wholeheartedly believe that he learned from it and loves me and Summer more than anything in the world.
Kobie was loved, taken care of, and happy for 14 years. She helped Jordan grow up and shape him into the man he is today by showing him responsibility, loyalty, and trust. I’m forever grateful for that, as I think it helped him become an excellent dad. Much of this dog drama could have been spared, but ultimately, our love won and I’m doggone proud of that.
I love these signs – but this one…it just gets me. I proudly have it in my office and even though it’s funny, it is most definitely true. I’m trying to get better at letting life “be” or “unfold” or whatever (see, I’m not good at it) because I know there is beauty in the unknown. But, truthfully, I usually have those moments planned as well.
I’m one of those people that survives on lists and my planner (yupp, a real old school, physical planner that you write in). I love the satisfaction of scratching things off. Confession: I even make weekend to-do lists. Anyone else? I try not to be a schedule psycho, but it just doesn’t work out for me.
This weekend didn’t have much on the list. Play outside. Go for a walk each day. Take a nap. I know what you’re thinking…how pathetic! Who schedules a nap?! But to me, that is a BIG step. I never nap to begin with, but I’ve been craving one lately. The only way I know how to get it done is to put it on the list. Sadly, this is the ONLY thing I didn’t get to this weekend…okay, maybe you’re right. I am pathetic. The list finished up with crafting (finishing my latch hook) and needing to vacuum. Easy enough, right?
Wrong. We were decorating our sidewalk with chalk when I stopped to let Jordan and Summer know that I was heading in to prep dinner and vacuum real quick. Summer is my right-hand lady when it comes to all things chores, so she panicked when she heard I would be doing a household task without her. I saw the tears starting to well in her eyes, so I reluctantly said she could join me.
I vacuumed a few rooms before letting her “help” me vacuum the family room. For some reason, this time I told her multiple times to watch the cord and I even explained that the vacuum’s job is to suck things up; it doesn’t care what is in its way. She seemed to understand and did a great job on the room before I took over again.
As I was touching up the family room, she took her socks off and started to throw them at the vacuum. I could tell by her sly smile that she was just playing around. We were laughing at how far off her throws were and I was kidding around with the vacuum back and forth. You know where this is going…
Her third throw of the sock…GULP! The vacuum sucked it up so fast, neither of us had time to react. The vacuum turned off and I just stared at her. We all exchanged blank looks and I unplugged it to check it out. No sock in sight.
I asked Jordan (I like to think I asked anyway, but I might have told him) to go outside to grill dinner with her so I could have a moment. I know it’s “just” a vacuum, but remember, she wasn’t supposed to be helping me in the first place. And now we are quarantined in the house together for at least 3 more weeks and my vacuum might not work anymore? I highly doubt vacuum repair is considered an essential service.
They grabbed the vacuum to inspect downstairs while they grilled dinner and as they were walking outside, I heard Summer whisper to Jordan, “We better get outta here.” I don’t want her to be afraid of me, or my emotions, but she definitely read this situation correctly.
About 20 minutes later, I heard Summer come running inside. (You’ll never guess where I was…the bathroom, of course.) She was so excited to tell me that daddy got the sock out of the vacuum. There was hope! We both ran outside together and I did in fact see the sock. Jordan said the sock was in the tube before the vacuum bag and was still warm. Summer was so proud and I know she was just trying to make me feel better.
We definitely tried to make the most of it and laugh it off. In the grand scheme of things right now, this is nothing. But stuff like this really throws me off my game. I can’t cross vacuuming off the list when it only got half done and I certainly can’t put it on my list for next weekend if it’s still broken.
It’s likely that the motor overheated and we are hopeful that it will turn on again. Otherwise, I guess I’ll be getting a new vacuum for Mother’s Day this year (for real, that doesn’t count as my gift, even if I do get a new one). I should have just taken the darn nap.
Here she is…super proud and super weary of her mother with her accomplice, the vacuum.
I know you can relate, just by the title alone. At first when you have kids, you can’t imagine what life will be like when they are a little older (able to move around, talk, and have opinions). And then seemingly overnight, they are like tiny humans; small versions of yourself walking around. It’s awesome really, until you have to poop.
I love Summer to pieces, but not much gets under my skin more than when she cries as I shut the door to go the bathroom. She seriously comes out of nowhere, even when I’m being sneaky and escaping to my bathroom oasis. It’s not a fun job as it is, but everyone’s gotta do it – and being alone makes it a little nicer. I don’t escape her often, and sometimes we both end up in tears: she just wants to be with me and watch and I just want 5 minutes to myself locked away takin’ care of business.
A couple of months ago, Jordan came out of the bathroom with an idea. “You should write a children’s book about how even mommies poop and talk about the mom struggle of a simple task,” he said. I was on it. That night, I had the content drafted into a fun, yet simple, rhyming story of a mom and daughter playing out the daily bathroom fuss. Jordan couldn’t believe we could check that off the list already.
I was most worried about pictures. We can’t even draw stick figures, let alone pictures for a book to be published. We did a little digging and ultimately decided that Summer should be the star of the show. We used our iPhones and staged pictures throughout our home to match the words. Because we are conscious of her image being printed, we used an app to color the picture in a way that made key details blurry, but still artsy and pretty for the pages. We took pictures over the course of 2 days. We all had fun being in our own photo shoot and editing to perfection.
Jordan did research on the publishing piece of this project and got our account created and ready. We learned that you needed to upload a manuscript and a cover. Shoot…I was an English major at MSU, but didn’t know how to do a “real” manuscript. We learned from a video that the best way to upload content is to transfer it to a PowerPoint presentation so the format is aligned, consistent, and each text/picture fits on one specific page each. This was a little time-consuming, but certainly very fun.
Next, we needed to upload to the publishing site. Our first upload had 55 errors. (I was expecting more to be totally honest.) Most of the errors consisted of pictures and text being outside of the margins of the page. After revisions, our second upload had 15 errors. Our third upload had one error: the cover. The cover had to be uploaded separately and we just couldn’t figure out how to get it the correct size, centered, and showing the picture and text.
By now it was midnight and I knew I had to table it. I don’t like to stop in the middle of a project like this, especially being so close. But, I knew enough to know that we needed fresh eyes and a few more hours to get it. The next morning, I found a cover template (for free!) and aside from having to learn a little bit about image layering in a publishing system, it was so easy! The 3rd through 7th uploads were strictly cover revisions, requiring minor tweaks. The 8th upload was perfect and ready for the next steps.
Clicking that button was so exciting. I’ve always wanted to write a book. Granted, I never thought it would be about poop, but this was so fun! We got to write the description, set the price, and review back-end features and statistics of publishing. We now had to wait for Amazon to review (they ensure it is truly our own content, review copyright information, and get the link ready for purchase). They advised this could take 72 hours, but it was about 24 hours before it went live on Amazon.
“Be a Fruitloop in a world of Cheerios.” I saw this quote the other day and unfortunately, I don’t know who to give the credit to, but, I love the meaning. Be true to yourself and do what you want based on what brings YOU joy. You don’t have to read a million self-help books to understand that in order to be truly happy, you have to be authentic to yourself.
Something that makes me happy and my home authentic is collections. And boy do we enjoy collecting things. My brother’s wife once joked that we collect collections. We laughed it off, but after a long pause, we all grinned because it was kind of true.
My favorite collection has to be my keychains. It’s certainly my oldest, as I started collecting them when I was young whenever we traveled to a new place. My dad made me 3 peg boards and each peg has at least 1 keychain, some have 2 or 3, dangling from it. These are symbolic of the memories I made from the places I’ve visited or an accomplishment I’ve made (athletic events or life-changing moments like buying a house). Keychains used to be a cheap way of materializing a place, but now they are upwards of $15 each. It doesn’t stop me from purchasing, but kind of crazy!
Another fun collection of mine, is my Starbucks “You are Here” mugs. I’m sure you’ve seen these in your local Starbucks. These are gorgeous coffee cups with beautiful and colorful designs that capture what that city is best known for. I don’t know how many I have, but I love displaying them on my rustic coffee sign. I change them out every now and then to feature different places. I don’t have a favorite and please don’t make me choose.
My husband is an entirely different beast when it comes to collections. Hats. Stickers, especially Yeti ones. Unique or limited edition beer cans/bottles (don’t get me started). Mini football helmets. Ticket stubs. Growlers. Baseballs. Sports memorabilia. Specialty bourbons. His are really out of control, but I love it. These are special things which completely represent what brings him joy.
My family collects things as well. My brother enjoys magnets and shot glasses from different locations, my dad likes golf balls, my sister-in-law likes the mini Starbucks mugs, my brother-in-law also collects baseballs. My cousin puts different brewery stickers on his fridge, my mom collects those wooden signs with cute sayings on them for her kitchen. My other sister-in-law, the one who thought our collections were over-the-top, now collects mini wine glasses from the places she’s done tastings. I would ordinarily tease her about this, but we are all just happy she has a collection, too! Sometimes, we go to great lengths to find these treasures for our people so we can give them something to cherish from our adventure, too, and help add to their collections.
Some may argue that you should have to visit the place that your item is from in order to add it to your collection. I disagree. Mostly because it still contributes and gives life to your collection. It still tells a story. Most importantly, it holds great meaning every time you look at it and remember that someone thought of you enough on their trip to get you something they know you’ll love.
This picture gives me all the feels. Quarantine and a state-mandated “Stay Home. Stay Safe.” order from the governor has an ironic, forceful way of making you eerily in tune with your emotions. Fighting the Coronavirus is so much more complex than just identifying symptoms and seeking treatment.
Back in December, Jordan told me about this “bug” that was going around in China from them eating bat soup. (If you haven’t heard about it’s origin, look it up.) I remember thinking, “That really stinks for those people, but it’s not really my problem.” Completely ignorant and selfish, I am well aware. But, at the time, it was so far removed from my world, I didn’t give it another thought.
In January, we had great friends visit and the virus came up a few times in conversation, mostly because my girlfriend teaches kiddos in China and was witnessing the disease disaster in real-time. Even though it was starting to hit a little closer to home, and certainly made me sad for them, I wasn’t concerned for our country, not for one second.
In February, I was learning more about it at work. My professional world assists students with enrollment to become online learners. We have schools all over the country, including Washington, where cruise ships were not allowed to dock due to cases on the rise. Our Washington schools had to adjust enrollment guidelines to accommodate the virus and local school ordinances. Even still, it seemed like such a faraway land and problem.
In early March, it began creeping across the U.S. We carried on per usual and even hosted Summer’s 4th birthday party as planned. Within a matter of days, everything changed.
March 11th was supposed to be a typical Wednesday, where my mom watches Summer and Jordan goes into the office for the day. I basically live for Wednesdays because I get the house to myself. That morning, we decided that it was fine for my mom to take Summer, but not go out to lunch or shopping (a usual routine activity for this duo). I could tell my mom was disappointed, but I appreciated that she didn’t fight me on our decision. We had decided to self-quarantine on March 12th and made a family pact to only go out for things like the grocery store.
By the end of that week, cases were increasing everywhere. Within a matter of a week, President Trump advised to social distance and on March 23rd, Governor Whitmer addressed the state and mandated a shelter in place for 2 weeks. We were a little over a week in and welcomed this news, to ensure everyone was on the same page and working towards the same goal. All of that has since been extended and I’m guessing it will again, and maybe even again, and again.
This time has caused such a wild range of emotions for me. I think everyone is riding an emotional roller coaster with highs and lows on different days. Heck, maybe different by the hour. At first, I was a little skeptical all this was necessary, but I also had a layer of understanding that if we don’t react now, it’ll get way worse before it gets any better.
We are used to being social and getting out and about multiple times a week. We normally eat at restaurants or pick up dinner a couple times a week. My girl and I love to shop and our weekly Target runs have halted. Completely unnecessary, but things we enjoy. We can certainly live without them, but we miss them. We can do this online now, but it’s not as fun and doesn’t seem right.
Our day-to-day weekly routine didn’t have to change much. Fortunately, we both already work from home and we’re one of the lucky ones with our jobs remaining business as usual. We have a very nice groove, but now Summer would miss preschool twice a week and social activities like dance and gymnastics. We were sad to miss some upcoming get togethers, but sort of welcomed this brief time to slow down and prioritize us and our home.
“Brief” is relative, as it’s now been 3 weeks and has indeed been extended (until April 30th), with rumors of it lasting well into the summer and maybe even fall. It’s exhausting planning every single meal, going to the grocery store every two weeks, and sanitizing every item before we bring it inside. It’s tiring cooking multiple times a day, cleaning the kitchen and emptying the dishwasher even more. But how lucky are we? Those are our current struggles. What a privilege to have those be the concerns that are at the center of our mind, while the world is literally fighting for life.
Another topic that has been on my mind and heart a lot is the conversation and decisions surrounding schools. It is tricky and complicated. I do not envy those in charge and honestly, I’ve never been more thankful that I’m not directly in that industry anymore. So much information is being tossed around and I don’t have a clue what we’ll land on, but I do have some thoughts.
I think it’s wonderful that (many) teachers are doing what they can to provide resources for their students to learn at home and connect with them in various online formats. I think it’s awesome that we have technology that allows that to be done in an instant. However, I don’t think districts should “count” this as instruction time. You can’t enforce every teacher to do it and you can’t ensure every student has the resources to receive the information and participate.
I also believe that it puts an extreme amount of pressure on parents (and I normally feel parents can do much more to support their students at home, but this is different). There are schedule changes, routines adjusted, financial worries, job shifts, and we think throwing a “typical” school routine in a virtual format at them sets the student up for success? Not a chance. In this rare instance, I believe that social promotion would be the best solution, since students did make it through more than half of the school year. Don’t get me wrong, some type of instruction can help for sure. I know some people have pointed out that it’s not a vacation, but when you become a parent, you do not sign up to be a educator, too. There are things that students can learn from right now while at home and things we, as parents, can do to encourage and foster their love of learning (think helping out with chores, baking/cooking together, playing games, reading, workbook pages, arts and crafts, experiments, etc.) without there needing to be a rigid schedule to follow. Hey, I’m a former teacher and the thought of teaching my 4 year old all day long terrifies me. No, thank you, and it’s not because I’m lazy. I know her classmates are also not receiving this information on the regular anymore and I trust that our legislature will make informed decisions about what is best for our student population. I’m also grateful we are only dealing with preschool here.
Aside from those daily thoughts, my biggest worry is for the people expecting babies. My brother and sister-in-law and several really close friends are due to have their first baby in a week or two. Becoming a first time parent is scary enough; I can’t imagine dealing with this as the cherry on top. I feel like every day the guidelines change, expectations of what would have or should have been during this time is constantly being altered, birth plans are being adjusted or dissolved altogether, and the reality of not having visitors (at the hospital and home) have completely gone out the window, for a while anyway. As a sister and friend, this is devastating. I won’t get to hold these sweet babes for who knows how long. I will have to drop off meals on the porch and escape like a thief in the night. I won’t get to hug them when they are on the brink of exhaustion and assure them that are doing just fine. I won’t get to see the baby open their eyes and take it all in or hear their cries or coos for longer than I ever would have imagined. I won’t be able to hold them gently and pinch their cheeks in the sterile hospital room and beam with pride. I won’t be able to change a dirty diaper so the new mom and dad don’t have to get up. I won’t, I won’t, I won’t…I could go on and on. And I know this isn’t about me, but everyone’s vision of these monumental days have vanished. The worst part, we don’t even know what it will look like when the time comes, or what the guidelines will be then. What I do know, and I rest assured in this belief, is that these babies were made with purpose. They are the silver and beautiful lining in this mess. They will still bring our world great joy and love, even if we have to experience it through a window for a while.
I also worry about everyone’s mental health right now. It’s imperative we keep ourselves and each other in check. There are many online resources available to assist those in need, without having to leave home. I think those will be our biggest obstacles to overcome when the dust settles.
All of this is hard for me and my husband to digest and those around us. Yet, we are tasked with explaining it to our daughter, who is very curious and observant. We’ve decided to take the approach that “everything is dirty and filled with germs, causing people to get sick and things needing to be cleaned right now” and she took it well. At the risk of making her a complete germaphobe, we’ve explained that this will take time and until it’s safe to be together, we will be staying home and having fun together. Thank goodness for FaceTime and old fashioned mail, as it helps to keep us connected. She’s only had one day so far where she got emotional when I read her a text from her gamma. She likes being with her favorite people, too, and it makes me sad when I think that this could be her first real memory.
Our society will never fully recover from this, mostly because we won’t forget. I think that’s okay. In my opinion, I think we needed a shock to our system to help, or rather force, us to prioritize what means the most to us and how we spend our time. Sure, there are times I feel like screaming, and the isolation is lonely, but it’s allowed me to reflect on the reputation I’m building, we are building, as a family and a community.
I realize I may not share the same views as some of you reading this right now. I’m entitled to my feelings and when I started this blog, I promised myself I would be transparent and stay true to myself. With that being said, it does not discount how utterly grateful I am for our essential workers, including doctors, nurses, medical staff, school support staff (like my mom) who are making meals for families while school is not in session, delivery services, and grocery store employees. Without your ability to fearlessly step into your job, at a time when everyone wants to run away and hide, our people would undoubtedly crumble. You are truly on the frontlines of fighting this disease and I admire your passion and willingness to do so, day after day. I have no doubt that this is a viewpoint we can all share.
It has been beautiful to watch people share resources, activities, games, opinions, needs, stories, etc. through social media outlets. This has been done in a way that never would have happened without a catastrophy. We will get through this, together. It’s the only way.
Opening Day for the Detroit Tigers has become a sacred day in our house. Jordan introduced me to this special Detroit occasion 12 years ago and it has become one of our favorite traditions of the year.
Before you could browse and purchase tickets online, you had to actually go to the store or ticket window to pick your game and seats (do you remember?). We hadn’t even been dating very long at the time, yet I agreed to wait in line overnight outside Hockeytown Authentics in Troy, in the middle of winter. It’s amazing what you’ll do to impress someone…
These were the good ole days though, honestly. I don’t think I have any pictures to capture this moment (shocking, I know), but I remember it vividly. Jordan’s brother, Jason, joined us the second year and we had so much fun just hanging out and talking all. night. long. My parents dropped by in the middle of the night with pizza and hot chocolate and they were heroes. Tickets went on sale at 10am, so the shop workers let us in around 9:30am and got everything up and running. We always got our tickets and couldn’t wait for the day to arrive.
It wasn’t until we were married (4 years later) and living on the west side of the state, when we realized how much this tradition meant to us. Opening Day is always on a work day, so we had to decide if it was worth taking an extra day or two off to travel back “home” and attend. Without question it was!
Purchasing tickets became more readily available in an online format within a few years from the waiting-in-line-overnight-days, but it didn’t necessarily get easier. We would set up shop early in our family room on the day tickets were released, and have all iPads, laptops, and phones ready when the clock struck 10am and let us in from the virtual waiting room. It never failed, no matter how prepared we were, there would be some hiccup: tickets didn’t move to the cart, passwords didn’t work, old address, incorrect credit card on file. It is always so stressful, but the adrenaline of it is always, always worth it.
We’ve experienced rain, snow, sleet, and even the occasional sunshine on this day. We’ve gone downtown early and even stayed the night before or after the game to extend the experience. We’ve gone down and celebrated with family, friends, and occasionally, alone. It never seems to matter because this is our day.
Once we had Summer, we found ourselves evaluating the day again. Every scenario led us back to needing to go. Luckily, my mom (gamma), is always on Spring Break, and loves any reason to spend the day with Summer, so she has become our built-in babysitter for Opening Day. We take our family picture in our Tigers gear and head downtown like two crazy kids who have looked forward to this day since the last April in the D (which in some years is held in March). We have already decided that this day will be shared with Summer as well, but not any time soon.
This year was different, unfortunately. Due to the Coronavirus and our state-issued Stay Home, Stay Safe order, Opening Day was cancelled and postponed until further notice. To be honest, today was the first day of quarantine that we really felt the sadness. I think this was mostly because it truly felt like we were missing out – even though we weren’t missing anything at all. To make the best of it, we all put on our Tigers gear, put the replay of last year’s game on TV, and made a lunch consisting of chicken nuggets and French fries since that’s what we always eat at the ballpark. Summer had fun and we certainly avoided telling her where she was supposed to be today. It was a bummer, but we know this unofficial Opening Day will be an unforgettable one in its own right.
It gives us hope that we will still be able to attend this year and might even luck out with weather nicer than ever before. Until then, we’ll live in our baseball memories. Go Tigers!
I’m used to starting conversations this way. I moved multiple times as a kid, so I was constantly meeting new classmates, friends, and neighbors. As an adult, I’ve also moved quite a bit and worked several jobs before settling into my career. I still find myself frequently starting conversations this way, but now it’s usually in the context of a parent/teacher conference, social gathering, or when meeting with colleagues on a project team I signed up for at work.
I’ve also come to realize that being “new” doesn’t mean it’s the first time you’ve met someone or experienced something. It can describe an emotion we’re feeling, even long after being new to the environment or task. I think a lot of people can relate to this concept nowadays. Our “norms” are being challenged, our “typical” days look different, and it feels like there are more questions than answers at this juncture. But, one thing is for certain, this is all new…to all of us.
I’m finding the silver lining among the chaos right now. I’ve dreamed of writing a blog for years. In fact, I had one created nearly 5 years ago and the website crashed and deleted everything. I got it back up and running, this time taking notes on a document before publishing, and my computer crashed and everything was gone. I spent hours upon hours re-writing and re-creating everything to the best of my ability and my new computer died and the documents disappeared forever again. I took that as a hint. It wasn’t my time.
I know it’s meant to be now because I’m ready to be patient with it again. I have the fire and passion inside me again to let others turn pages with me, which was missing for several years. I’ve written several posts already and just stored them away for later (in multiple places to make sure I don’t go postal again if I lose it in one spot). I’m doing this for fun. I love to write. I love to share stories. I love getting feedback from people who are reading and can relate or appreciate the words, the journey. I’m doing this for me…as a way to digitally capture my life and the chapters that make it meaningful.
Thanks for being here with me. We’re all new here!
The Rupkey Roost 