I Missed It

“Summer did so great! I can’t believe she did her bridge kick-over,” the gymnastics mom standing next to me squealed as I plopped on the metal barstool. Trying to hide my confusion as I scrambled to get settled 45 minutes into practice, I scoffed at her comment and replied, “Yeah, she’s really been practicing at home…” my voice and attention trailing off. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “It’s so cool she got to ring the bell.”

It clicked. Summer mastered a skill, the bridge kick-over and she got to celebrate with the whole gym by ringing the bell. In front of her coaches, teammates, and parents. Except for me; I missed it. I immediately felt a wave of sadness with a dose of panic. I didn’t even realize they did this sort of thing at her level.

When I greeted her after practice, I congratulated her. She was ecstatic! Summer recalled how it happened and how special she felt ringing that bell. I selfishly asked probing questions, so I could reinvent the moment in my mind, but I had to come clean. “I’m super proud of you, Summy, but I’m so sad I missed it,” I blurted.

She looked up, sort of puzzled, but also confirming what she already knew. I explained that I was in the car working when it happened, but another mom told me about it. Summer mentioned that after she did the bridge kick-over for her team, she was looking around on her way to the bell (presumably searching for me). I felt myself shrinking even more. Then she said, “But you heard me ring the bell at least…” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I didn’t hear that, either. I gave her a huge hug and we talked about her accomplishment. She’s the first person on her team to ring the bell. And I missed it.

“Summer, I’m so sorry I didn’t see it. I know you’ve been working so hard on that.” “It’s ok, mama. I’ll show you how I can do it when we get home!” Even when she should be disappointed, she was concerned about how I felt. She has the sweetest soul and in this instance, I didn’t deserve her grace.

I’m thankful for some really good country songs that she wanted to belt out on the way home. I cranked the radio and let the tears fall all the way home while she sang her heart out.

I texted Jordan before we left the gym and he knew I was distraught. He reassured me that she will continue to do great things and achieve other milestones and we may or may not witness them. It’s ok. It’s normal. I’m very much aware of this, and certainly needed to hear that, but I still felt so lame. I was there. All because I needed to wrap up my work day and didn’t want to watch warm-ups from an uncomfortable stool. I’ve been trying not to be so irrational about it because know it’s not the end of the world. I just feel lame to have missed out on such a milestone for her.

We made a family event of it after dinner and treated her to ice cream. I hope she felt special. I’m so proud of her. And I’ll never miss a moment to let her know that.